Disappeared News

Don Brown circulated an email “Before the Republican Bloodbath begins...” which I really enjoyed. Makes good sense to me. Reproduced here with permission:

Dear Friends...

After the electoral landslide by President-Elect Obama and a trouncing by the Democrats in the House and Senate for the second election in a row, there's been much speculation about how to talk the Republican Party off the ledge.

That the Republican "brand" is bankrupt is a given, but being the generous centrist patriot that I am, I offer 15 easy steps for the GOP (Grumpy Old Party)  to wage more effective campaigns in the future:

1. Find some less-polarizing mouthpieces than Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. They stir the pot, but burn the beans.  Distance yourself from Faux News, there's nothing Fair and Balanced happenin' there.

2. Stop being so partisan. Some things (global warming, supporting the troops) are  not red or blue.

3. Stop being hypocritical. Unmarried teenage pregnancies are nothing to be proud of, especially when you're the Family Values party.  Practice what you preach, or you have zero credibility.

4. Bone up on Separation of Church and State. The Founding Fathers gave it to us for a reason.

5. Accept that most Americans do not want regulation on what goes on in their personal lives and bedrooms.

6. Start thinking about the poor and middle class instead of just your own bank accounts. Politics is more than just lowering taxes for the rich.

7. Stop spying on and torturing people. That's not very nice.

8. Don't send our troops to die in battle unless you really know what the hell you're talking about.

9. Start agreeing with Democrats that Bush 43 is the worst president in history...99% of the world will agree with you.

10. Nominate for once a candidate who is intelligent, curious and articulate.

11. When Americans are facing the worst economic crisis in 75 years, terrified for their jobs, homes and savings, do not obsess for the final months of your campaign that your opponent (a) pals around with terrorists, (b) has a half-Aunt who may or may not be an illegal alien, and (c) is both an elitist and a socialist. Kinda makes voters feel like you're utterly clueless about the issues most important to them.

12. Stop playing so dirty. You got away with it in 2000 and 2004, but in the age of internet surveillance, it  doesn't work anymore. Get used to it.

13. If you see Karl Rove or Steve Schmidt, run the other way.

14. No matter how strong the temptation, do not make as a centerpiece of your campaigns the support of cartoon-like characters like Joe the Plumber, Ed the Dairy Man, Doug the Barber, Tito the Builder, Christine the Florist, Phil the Bricklayer, Cindy the Citizen, Rose the Teacher, Corina the Nurse, Vicki the Realtor or Clark the Cook. This cheap tactic turns your campaign into Sesame Street, and toddlers don't vote.

15. Do not put anymore vacuous and ill-informed MILFs a heartbeat from the Oval Office, especially when the person at the top of your ticket is a 72-year-old cancer survivor. Americans want a vice-president who can name the countries in North America and knows that Africa is a continent not a country.

They want someone smart and qualified... like Dan Quayle.

Permalink posted by Larry @ 11/07/2008 07:57:00 PM